Tag Archives: hopes

A Dream of Journeys

a pete in hood

In the night I dreamt I was on a journey. I often have dreams of journeys, often a repeat dream where I am heading south to Exeter (I spent 4 years at college there 1969-73) but often I have nowhere to stay, often there’s a feeling of strandedness. In my lived life I sometimes did get stranded with no accommodation for a night or the beginning of a term. But these dreams are more than that; they’re a lifetime concern, a hope that we won’t ever get stranded (like refugees do). That must be one of a human being’s (I prefer my © words for ’em – Ubeen’s or Ubeings*) worst worries, to be stranded at all but even worse for long, indefinite periods.

*You see what I mean is, a Ubeen connotes that you have had a life, you been there and done it etc. a Ubeing is a you being alive Now! You being here, you being around and about. You being a witness etc.

Let’s make that official; ‘Ubeens’ & ‘Ubeings©Pete Kennedy 2017

There’s another dream repeats itself where am walking on country paths around a town which can sometimes be seen down below, sometimes the path gets clogged up, so much so it’s impassable. A feeling of lostness, permanently searching apparently fruitlessly, or with little hope of ‘finding’ the undeclared object of my search. And isn’t that a lot like life itself?

Life is like a dream anyway isn’t it?

9780950426730 sm

I have almost completed the A4 version of my Shrewd Idiot book, completed the refreshed layout and final edit and additional little bits that crop up, “Oh yeh, it’d be nice to include/exclude that this time”. It’s a story about someone who went to spend 4 years at college in Exeter between 1969-73, but the person in the book isn’t me, he does lots of things I would never dream of doing! There’s little additional comments added to the 1970’s text which may be me, the 66 years old fella, but the 19-23 year old in the story isn’t me. He had hair for one thing (or millions of things if you care to count them). He was rather footloose and fancy free and certainly not steady in his relationships, well that’s not me, is it!

9780950426730 back + spine sm

The back cover has some words from inside the book, shows me in all my uncertainty, prone to the wafting winds. BUT. The book chronicles my ‘growing up’ from a just left school 6th former to a qualified teacher with a honors degree. I know that sounds like the story of millions but believe me mine is not quite the same as all the rest. The book is not a reminiscences thing, no, it were written at the time, several times. I handwrote the first recording of my experiences between 1969-73 (tho not many are actually retold) in exercise books and scraps o paper. It’s NOT blow by blow accounts of day to day happening, the writing was heavily influenced by the likes of Sartre (Nausea), Henry Miller (NOT Artur!) and not his Tropics so much as his later more reflective philosophical writing, Joyce (I did read, if that’s what you can call going thru Fin Er Gain’s Waits and it DID have a massive effect on me. All of my altered spellin probli began with Fint Eee Gaga Awoke), Robert Walser and Albert Camus (Myth of Sysyphus).

The story is not crafted in the way a normal novel might be. The storyline is mostly chronological with occasional flashbacks. The whole book is propelled by copious images of many different sizes. In some ways the images are the ‘Shrewd’ part although one of the characters that I ‘invented’ may take the biscuit for the shrewdest of em all. The (anti-rather-chauvinistic) hero shows himself up to be rather less shrewd. Even to the extent that once he belatedly began to work his trade he didn’t realise that even labouring away 18 hours 24 seven wouldn’t get him his objective, his reputation had gone before him so in the end there could only be sadness. But he never even realised that as he ploughed on thru his days. And thru his various manuscripts of this book.

In 1976 he left his teaching job to be a artisbloke. Disaster. He did write longhand The Shrewd Iriot and took it to be typed by Jill (poor girl, it must have been hell). Then he tried various publishers with some degree of success which is chronicled in the Appendicitis at the bach. Then he hid it away pulled it out in the 80’s and added some hand-notes and re-put it away til in 2015 he decided to spend 3 months making it into a book. 2 ¼ years later, now, it’s complete and ready to be bound. On sale at £45 per copy on July 1st 2017, that’s when as kids our holiday began in Burnley. I should be able to retire on the proceeds of the sales, NOT, as am only printing 50 copies.

Below is a page from the book, it’s published like a typescript manuscript, cos that’s what it is. Am still looking for a big publisher, d’ya know of any?

Layout 1

Memoir

Why are we here?

To make a mark?

To make our mark?

To leave a trace?

 

A pretty face

Or

A Ugli face

 

My Celtic name is O’Ceinedegh

It means ‘Uglyhead’ you see.

 

My face has changed

It’s not what it used to be

It’s not young any more

It’s Old errrr

Now

Am even uglier than before

 

Age has taught me that

What you see is not all there is to

See

When you look at an old person

You see their age of course

What you don’t see

Is their whole life story

 

That old bloke

Was once a handsome child

A red blooded lad

A constant dad

 

You cannot see the life what he had

The joy that he saw

His merry go round

The life he see saw

 

Young (wo)man

Take a look at me now

I was once a lot more

But I’m not sore

 

And one great consolation

Is the wisdom from my days

Shrewdness took a long time to kick in

Now

Like the whiskers on me chin

It’s come right in

On time.

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We are all spiralling energy.

ALL WE ARE IS SPIRALLING ENERGY

. Part 2

y a twerp

I find meditating rather difficult, at least, I find sitting still to meditate almost impossible even tho I have attempted it in many different scenarios since 1987 when I went into this meditation group in Cambridge and they all seemed to know what they were doing and I felt so unknowing.  I can’t sit in a lotus position any old how. I find sitting cross-legged a bit uncomfortable. I find sitting upright in a chair hard. So I rarely get to the state  of sitting on my ownee-o watching my breath etc.

I do my meditation when I am in Tai Chi. I only have to start the warm up exercises and I feel myself go into a different place. I start swinging my arms and lo & behold I see things in the room which have been there long time but I missed them, I ‘see’ things. My attention is heightened. S’funny. Meditation seems to creep up on me when it is unlikely. I do lay on a reclining chair and watch the leaves and grass blown about, the occasional bird, the breeze on the trees and wonder at the miracle of nature. Then I realise I am the luckiest energy alive in the Universe. Right Now. Now I Am. Right.This moment is my Nirvana. Every moment is nirvana. Heaven is realisation that the moment is All that there IS.

The moment before this is memory. The next moment is yet to come. It does not yet exist (to me). But it is Eternity. Eternity is Infinite. We meet in the here and now, this Eternity. Well come.

Carry on spinning with me whilst we can around on planet Earth around its axis around the sun around the Universe.

Life is like a pack of cards, life is like a box o chocolate and you need to suck it for all it’s worth. Life is bitter sweet so suck it like a juicy lemon. Sweet & sour, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the one without t’other. Altho’ sweet may seem more attractive bitter sting adds the tang, like yin complements yang.

Sometimes it may seem so hard when things don’t appear to go to plan, learn to stick in there, be parient, keep up the good work and eventuallythe dividends will become evident.

In the 60s 70s and 80s 90s and noughties I wanted to be a artis of note. In the national & international picture book I seemed to make a mark about as noticeable as a drip from the fag end onto Jackson Pollock’s whirls and swhirls of colour (Max Ernst painted from the can first). Nevertheless later this month The Journal Of Artist’s Book (JAB) based at Colombia University in Chicago is publishing an art-ticle what I wrote abArt several German artists that have impacted on my own thinking and output. Watch this space.

Namaste